Need Confirmation Prep Recommendations!

Open combox, an anonymous reader is looking for suggestions. Thanks!

Note from a reader who asked to keep this anonymous, so I’ve done some editing to remove identifying details:

Hi Jen. I hope you don’t mind a private message with a catechetical resource question.

Nope, don’t mind at all. I can’t commit to answering all reader mail, but I do read it and pray for your intentions. If you subscribe here you can reach me privately by replying via e-mail to any post from One Soul at a Time in your e-mail inbox.

I have a 14yo son, younger sibling, who won’t be attending confirmation classes because he suffers from anxiety in crowds and classrooms. He’s amenable to learning about the sacrament at home, and I have pastoral support.

However, he’s cautioned me that he isn’t sure he will want to be confirmed and doesn’t really understand the purpose.

Also, his beloved older sibling feels rejected by the Church and especially catechetical situations because of being queer, and chose not to pursue confirmation for that reason, and so this is an area that requires a great deal of sensitivity for our family.

Gonna pause here and say that the reader is not asking for comments from the peanut gallery about this side topic, and also I have no details on what the exact concerns* of the older sibling are. Your cue, rather, is to be frank about how well any given resource you offer threads the needle between faithfulness to Church teaching and sensitivity to those who are dealing with this difficult situation — if the topic is raised at all, which in Confirmation prep may or may not be the case.

I’m smart but not the most compassionate and sensitive explainer.

I do know this reader well enough to confirm the parents are both intelligent and knowledgeable of their faith. They will not have difficulty with more-challenging texts, though they may or may not have loads of time for extensive reading.

I don’t know the younger child personally, though, so I can’t answer directly about his reading level and so forth. Feel free to make recommendations across the spectrum of academic abilities and personalities, and just clarify who might and might not be the best fit for a given approach.

He’s thoughtful and interested in challenging questions, so I’ve sort followed his interests the past couple of years, e.g., he asked to study comparative religion this year for his catechesis, I guess from wanting to know what else was out there, and that’s brought on some fruitful discussion.

I very much want to educate this sensitive and caring teen about the sacrament and promote it in a way that respects his autonomy and leaves the door as open as possible should he decide not to receive the sacrament at this time.

Once again: Not asking for parenting advice here. Assume the parents know their child well enough to know that this is the approach most likely to benefit the child spiritually. I have good reason to believe these parents and their pastor know what they are doing.

If you have a personal story you’d like to share feel free to do so, but we will all understand that your own experience may or may not shed light on this entirely different person.

Do you have any ideas of educational resources that would explain the sacrament’s value accurately without the accretion of “maturity/knowledge/free choice” back-justifications? I’m afraid that all the verbiage about late confirmation being a Free Choice has led him to be a little afraid that he shouldn’t have any doubt or struggle left in him in order to rightly receive.

Something this reader and I talked about is that an accurate theology of Confirmation will take into account that newborns can receive the sacrament (CCC 1233). TBH I use this as my litmus test during Confirmation homilies and preparation as to whether a cleric actually knows and believes the Catholic faith.

Or an idea of an individual confirmation prep sequence that, while firmly Catholic, might build on his interest in comparative religion — I get the sense that it might help him to see that it’s deeply human to celebrate milestones of faith, if that makes sense? That confirmation is good for your respect for your fellow man?

Any suggestions for age-appropriate reading material for him OR me would be greatly appreciated, and you’re welcome to use our question (anonymously) as column fodder.

As I understand it, your recommendations do not have to be dedicated “Confirmation programs” from major publishers, the parents are open to a variety of alternate approaches, and I think the pastor knows and trusts (as I do, 100%) the parents will do a creditable job at catechesis even if they are pulling together an eclectic set of resources and activities.

This post’s combox is open to all readers, regardless of subscriber status. Also feel free to pass this request for ideas on to someone you know who doesn’t read here but might have suggestions.

In the comments section below, please suggest:

• Books, videos, seminars, anything at all, that deals with one or more aspects of this reader’s question;

• Reviews of confirmation-prep curricula you have used in the past, including how it went and who it was most successful for, even if you are not sure it’s the best choice for this particular child (just say that!).

• Reviews of confirmation-prep and similar materials you haven’t used but you have read and reviewed and are worth knowing they exist.

• Materials that are out of print, but which might be acquired second-hand or via a public domain resource.

You are welcome to share links, including links to programs you yourself are affiliated with that could be of interest, as well as links to reviews you have published elsewhere.

Thanks so much!

And something fun: Deacon Thomas McDonald’s first homily, which was for both Pentecost and Confirmation, is at about the 30-minute mark. It’s a winner.

Second update: Here’s a link to a clip with just the homily.

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Updating with a quick note based on a question from a reader: I am grateful for all submissions, but 100% counting on you who are looking for resources to do your own due diligence before deciding whether a given program is right for your child or parishioners. I am neither vetting nor endorsing any of these, because I don’t have that kind of time!

If anyone has experience with a given program that another reader recommends, feel free to provide clarifying input to help others make informed decisions.

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* If you need a primer on all the horrible things that get said, many of them well meant, that can be extremely alienating and wounding to a young person questioning his or her sexuality, read the “drinking game” section of Eve Tushnet’s Tenderness.

Cover art: Tenderness by Eve Tushnet, courtesy of https://www.evetushnet.org/books. I don’t think this is a book to hand out to anyone, randomly, under any circumstance. But I think it is a book adult evangelists should consider reading and learning from.