Oct 27, 2022·edited Oct 27, 2022Liked by Jennifer Fitz
I would add that both listener and speaker need to have a relationship prior to such a listening session, or otherwise must have some agreement as to ground rules. I have experienced people reluctant to open up, people overly willing to open up, people who open up selectively, and people who seem like they are open but are deceiving or manipulating.
The most productive form of evangelical listening is as you say--speaker has a problem, listener agrees to listen to the problem (not necessarily to solve it), and both have an understanding that they will discuss the problem (and perhaps arrive at solutions) after the speaker has shared to their satisfaction.
Sometimes evangelical listening is just that--listening. No solutions or suggestions required. People experiencing the immediacy of grief need people to listen to them and NOT to solve their problems. Sometimes evangelical listening involves a little tough love but only after the listening part is done.
For some of the less productive versions--where the speaker is being selective or manipulative--it behooves us to speak less until we understand more. [Edit: Some less productive sessions involve an overly ambitious listener. If someone is reluctant to open up, what you need is patience, not pressure. Real damage can be done if one tries to pry open a willing but reluctant soul, rather than let them emerge on their own.]
Luckily these situations are on the remote tails of the bell curve but alas they are situations I have experienced so I wanted to share in case anyone encounters outliers in the wild.
I would add that both listener and speaker need to have a relationship prior to such a listening session, or otherwise must have some agreement as to ground rules. I have experienced people reluctant to open up, people overly willing to open up, people who open up selectively, and people who seem like they are open but are deceiving or manipulating.
The most productive form of evangelical listening is as you say--speaker has a problem, listener agrees to listen to the problem (not necessarily to solve it), and both have an understanding that they will discuss the problem (and perhaps arrive at solutions) after the speaker has shared to their satisfaction.
Sometimes evangelical listening is just that--listening. No solutions or suggestions required. People experiencing the immediacy of grief need people to listen to them and NOT to solve their problems. Sometimes evangelical listening involves a little tough love but only after the listening part is done.
For some of the less productive versions--where the speaker is being selective or manipulative--it behooves us to speak less until we understand more. [Edit: Some less productive sessions involve an overly ambitious listener. If someone is reluctant to open up, what you need is patience, not pressure. Real damage can be done if one tries to pry open a willing but reluctant soul, rather than let them emerge on their own.]
Luckily these situations are on the remote tails of the bell curve but alas they are situations I have experienced so I wanted to share in case anyone encounters outliers in the wild.
Thank you for this article, God bless you!